Sunday evening thoughts...

Save for the whoosh of the heater and the hum of the TV in the background, the house is pretty much quiet. It’s nice actually, to be able to sit here and write a bit. 

Despite learning a lot working for my father, and the journey to a more peaceful state I’ve been on the past few months, I fear I may have to get back into the workforce soon. I don’t want to really (I mean who really wants to) but it’s a necessary evil all the same. I’m not sure if I’m ready to go back yet but...maybe I just need more faith, faith and patience that the Creator will provide and guide me in the way to go. I don’t want to run ahead of that guidance but I also don’t want to sit on my laurels and just wait for everything to miraculously be okay. Life is about the balance and sometimes I feel like I’m standing one legged on a board placed on a ball, juggling flaming bowling pins.

Sometimes I feel like an amputee who still has a phantom sense of the limb that’s been removed, except for me, what’s been removed isn’t physical at all. I feel like love should be here somewhere but it’s missing; it’s been lopped off years ago, but from time to time I still get the sense of it hanging on to me. Not sure who did the cutting, or if I just removed it from myself. It’s a trip. I guess it’s good to come to that realization. Now don’t get me wrong, I have love from all directions; family, friends etc., but the love I speak of can be fickle, fleeting, confusing, temperamental and confounding. The love I speak of does not fall under the friends and family plan, it’s something else all together. It’s probably the last thing I should be thinking of at this juncture of my existence, but yet the thought remains, hovering like fruit flies over something sweet.

Nothing drowns out a semi-existential crisis like a funny cartoon movie and some crunchy munchies. Netflix here I come...ciao.