On Summer, Autumn and Balance

So...I’m supposed to be resting...but insomnia strikes again, so I will write.  I haven’t done this in a while, admittedly I’ve been busier than usual; warmer weather means more social activities and more things to do. It’s starting to tip towards the “doing too much” zone, and so my training says to slow down a bit and get back into a creative routine. I’ve been using my tablet as a digital canvas; it’s been fun trying out different brushes and techniques. By no means am I the next Van Gough or O’Keefe, but using the various colors and textures is visually therapeutic, especially when your art area has been taken over by unfolded laundry.

Though the summer sun beats down without mercy, I still sense autumn near; admittedly I am anxious for the return of my old friend, though winter won’t be far behind. It’s an odd juxtaposition that when all the leaves are dying, that’s the time of year I feel most renewed. Maybe it’s the crisp in the air or the crisps in the oven, I just love the coziness of it all.

I am constantly in search of balance, in all aspects of my life, and even more so when my internal dynamics are more out wack than a compass with a magnet nearby. It’s taken me a long time to realize that the balance I seek cannot be found in another person if I don’t first have it within. But darned if my imperfection doesn’t try to convince me otherwise. I may not be where I wanna be right now, but I can’t allow myself to give into emotional addiction, using the distraction of another being as a drug and falsely presuming it’s love. It’s easy to be semi-logical about it on paper, but when you crave conversations on everything from DNA to Wu-Tang to Shakespeare to pho, maintaining your resolve is not as easy. The struggle is indeed, real.