Monday, Monday...

Summer’s last kiss still lingers in the air on this late September eve, causing the trees to slowly blush shades of sienna and crimson.  I have been waiting (patiently) for this season, though with less jubilation than in previous years.  Perhaps because autumn is “trending”, and I have a strong aversion to aligning with what the tastemakers like.  It seems like yesterday when spring was many people’s favorite season, with it’s pastel palette and promise of rebirth; folks complained that fall was a reminder of winter being near.  But now in the era of chic boots and smart coats, fire pits and pumpkin spice everything, more and more are waxing poetic about the wonders of it all.  If I receive one more .GIF with digital falling leaves from a wanna be baby hipster...

I don’t mean to be cranky, honest.  You should’ve seen the paragraph I deleted about avocado toast.  Truth is, I had an episode (again) the other day, and I’m still in a bit of recovery from it.  A lot of things kinda hit me at once; loss of a dear one, uncle in the hospital, financial issues, blah blah blah, top that off with insomnia and exhaustion from a full day of volunteering and you too might find yourself laughing/crying/screaming (at the same time) in the middle of the living room.  Needless to say, my folks were worried, but they’ve been beyond supportive.  I am supremely thankful.  It seems like just when I think I’m getting “better”, I have what feels like a setback...Saturday night’s episode is still with me like a shadow, and I just don’t want to teeter beyond the boundaries of sanity.  Some folks keep reaching out for my insight or help or encouragement or assistance, and I don’t know just how to tell them I’m not well, I’m not equipped to help them at this time.  I wonder sometimes do people look at me and just think I’m lazy, that I just have a case of the blues that can be easily shaken off like cold rain?  I wish they knew the truth.