Wednesday, May 16, 2012

...on wading through a swamp in the dark

Looking for a calm spot in my mind but I am finding none. It feels like being on the outer edge of a storm. I can’t really explain it. I want to scream, laugh, cry, fight, all at the same time. Is this normal? Sometimes I feel like I need someone special in my life, but I struggle to figure out what type of someone I need. Do I need a cause? Do I need a mate? Can my need be satiated by a pet or a plant? Am I desirous of being a mother? Do I need autonomous independence? Do I need a higher education? The thought on all these subjects has crossed my mind, but it’s the answers that evade me, and I am unwilling to settle until I find the right answers. I do refuse though to compare myself or my situation with that of my ‘comrades’, on the tip of, well she’s able to do this and that, and he’s already doing this or that; that’s unfair to myself. But, and I know this is cliché, I really would like if some giant hand from the sky or some voice of Almightiness would boom down and quite literally move me in the right direction. I’d even be willing to give up my free will for a couple of months, just so I could get on the right track. Sigh. I’d be nice to know I’m not the only one wading through a swamp in the dark. Be nice to hear a success story from someone who found dry land.