Monday, August 6, 2012

Fear

     Is it possible to fear freedom? To shrink back at the possibilities in the unknown? To fear change, for the good or for the bad? I know it is, because I am a lion heart. A cowardly Lion that is. I don’t blink twice at the sight of a snake, spider, other creeping creature (but I don‘t do mice). But I am afraid of change. Afraid to stand up for myself at times. Afraid to be loved back. Afraid of opening up fully to another person, for fear they will take advantage or abandon me again. Afraid what will happen when I loose weight. I’m afraid I’m not doing my best for Jah.
     Fear is heavy, paralyzing. Fear locks you in a prison of your own making and has you convinced that you are safe there. Fear takes your voice away and concentrates your emotions, like the universe pressurizes gas clouds into stars under tons of pressure from the inside out. But honestly, I am tired of being afraid. I am tired of feeling like I have no voice, no choice in my own actions. I’m tired of accommodating everyone else to make them feel comfortable all the time. I am tired of being stared at and not saying anything about how uncomfortable I feel about it. I am tired to the point of primal rage…and I am ready to roar. I may just roar right now.