Here I am, in another cafe, and another spring has come around and I am yet again pensive. The first rain of the season has set my mind in a mood like a Miles Davis song, and so my default program for days like this is to sit and sip and write.
Within two years I have changed location, occupation, transportation and congregation. My hair style is altered almost daily (don't ask). The cast of comrades that I call close friends is seemingly constantly in flux and even my palette is different as I can now barely stand fast food. I step back from myself and wonder who I'm becoming, as I'm unfamiliar with the woman on the other side of the glass. While my insides transform more than Optimus Prime, my outside seems content to use Baymax from Big Hero 6 as a life model. This is admittedly discouraging, as most people may look at me and see a lazy over eater, I know myself to be someone suffering from PCOS. It's hard sometimes not to be the guest of honor at your own personal pity party.
In more positive developments, I am painting. Abstracts mostly, with acrylic paint, but is exciting and life affirming. I am also learning that I may not be as invisible as I once thought. This is most interesting. And frightening lol.
Guess I can't keep being disappointed about where I'm not or where I think I should've been by now. Life is a journey. I suppose I am still traveling on the road, destination unknown.