Sunday, April 3, 2016
I am sitting on the floor, by the best window in the house on a rug with too many flowers on it. The curtains are opened wide to the eminent sunset, its golden beams electrify the new grass, and blue grey clouds amble across the sky, threatening bits of rain. I have to sit here in this spot and write because I cannot properly explain my current range of emotions. I feel, in general, tired. So tired in fact, I am currently typing with my eyes closed for brief periods, but then my internal spell check urges me to pay attention. I am tired (at times) of my diplomatic training. The ingrained urge to make sure you say the right thing constantly, make sure you are gracious and well mannered and pleasant, knowledgeable but not condescending, affable yet demure, eat enough but not too much and on and on and on. Sometimes you just want to say, "I see right through you (pleasant laugh)! You are a liar and a manipulator and you think I don't know because you feel no one is as smart as you (warm smile)! But I know exactly what you are doing and so does the universe, so I hope you turn around before it catches up to you (pleasant laugh, head tilt)!" Oh if only I could. I mean, I could technically...all things are lawful, but not all things are advantageous. I suppose I will have to find a different way to deal with the liars and fakers and brown-nosers and the conceited know-it-all types we come across in life. Because its getting harder to keep my mouth closed, when my eyes are so open to what Id see all around.